It seems I always have to go through a certain amount of melancholy feelings before I can really feel the joy and fun of the Xmas season. The above picture is a Xmas card from Germany. I feel sad to think of the Xmases Terry missed while he was stationed there. His experiences there changed his life forever. In fact all of our lives. Worse is the happy Xmases he has missed by dieing young. My sister Melba, who was living with me died the day after Christmas. I think these losses sometimes hover around near the holidays. This is not to say we haven't had many happy times at the holidays. Friends have Christmas parties and kindly invite me. I can laugh and enjoy the Xmas spirit after a while. The best of times are when there are children around to be surprised and thrilled. I have enjoyed many of those great family times. My heart fills with gratitude as I think of those times.
Cheryl talking of cutting a total ly fresh tree, and the glow of her red lights on the Boulder Creek brought back happy holidays in Boulder, and some regrets of how I have choosen to live my life. Nothing is better than to take three little boys to the mountains to find the perfect tree. When LeFair and I were first married we went up by Hell's Back Bone and found the most perfect blue spruce tree I have ever seen. Before then or since. We didn't have electricity in Salt Gultch at that time so we decorated with really fancy balls and tincel.
Now that I don't get out as much to the stores to find the special gifts I mostly send money and everyone has to find what their heart desires the most. This is not so much fun. Chistmas time in the city is definately different than the country. Where I live I'm in a nice neighborhood but feel I'm neither in the heart of the city or in the country. (Although we do have many quail and the not so welcome rabbits come to visit. Frequently a cayote will wander into our yard.) Writin g and recieving cards is still fun and I make my traditional goodies. I'm an expert with fudge and pop corn balls.
Terry loved Christmas and even though we always teased him about waiting to shop until Xmas eve, he could come up with the most thoughtful gifts of all. I hope his spirits is visiting his little Grandsons in Illinois since they can't be with us this year.
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL THE DEVOTED BLOGGERS OUT THERE.
I was thinking about LaRae, too, and thinking how long it seems that she has not been here. I am sure that remembering them and Christmases past connect us to their spirits again. The last gift I remember LaRae buying was a beautiful dress for her granddaughter Geneya. Geneya will soon be having her own little girl, so it has been a while. I was just writing to Ann that Christmas is an exciting time for me picking out books I have found all year to give. With others givng books, too, it has become quite the celebration of book giving. Did you ever read Brainwash to Hogwash? I was trying to think who might appreciate the spunky spirit of that gal who left polygamy and helped other girls and women leave, too. I think polygamy is too bizarre to most to want to read about. I am sure Terry will be enjoying his daughter and grandsons at Xmas. I was thinking of Angelina's dad always close by when his children are struggling, especially Angelina and Silver this year even though I am sure Silver is happy to get her kids back with her. Don't know how long she will be able to manage though. I do think the spirits go where they feel they might be the most needed. LaRena's wreck probably gave Terry cause for concern.
ReplyDeleteNo, I don't think I read that book but I have read many about polygomy and it is bizarre. I would like to help Angelina out,but dont want to insult here. If I put a bit of something in an envelope to you and you gave it to her anonymously would that work?
ReplyDeleteChristmas brings both sad and happy times, the Christmases past and especially all those we miss. I always think of LaRae and her sagebrush tree with all the singing birds. Goeff was two and loved those birds. He kept saying..Birds! He might have been under two.
ReplyDeleteI try to find out how everyone I know is at Chistmas by phone or card. I like this heartfelt entry.
I was catching up on your bogs today at Carissa's house. My computer came back, maybe I will be able to start writing again. I enjoyed all of your writing. Linda
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